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Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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Dalhousie Erects Vagina Monument To Mirror Marine Venus Penis Statue  Dalhousie Introduces New Course Registration System With Official Ticketmaster Partnership The HRM White Monster Theory Intramural Athlete Retires From Sport Due To Pressure From Fan (Singular) A Guide To Modern Dating With An Oedipus Complex

‘The Vaccine Made Me Do It’: Perpetrator Blames Vaccination After Being Caught Red-Handed

February 3, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — Early in the morning on Jan. 6, law enforcement received reports of a belligerent individual attempting to break into Halifax City Hall. When police reached the scene,…

Going From NPC To Main Character: How To Reclaim Campus As A Hangout Spot

February 3, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — Do you feel things on campus are getting too boring? Your friends all dropped out after the first semester, the sights and sounds of campus have grown…

Dalhousie Sells STEM Programs To Lockheed Martin

February 2, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — The American defence and aerospace manufacturing corporation, Lockheed Martin, recently announced its acquisition of all the science, technology, engineering and mathematics programs at Dalhousie University. While negotiations…

Dalhousie Taps RuPaul For Fracking Exploration

January 16, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — Dalhousie University has recently faced scrutiny for accepting $30 million from the Nova Scotia government to explore the potential for onshore natural gas projects, but another move…

Killam Library To Be Transformed Into Luxury Disaster Shelter

January 16, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — Following news of a Cold War bomb shelter in Nova Scotia being repurposed into a high-end community for the doomsday prepping elite, stakeholders at Dalhousie University came…

The Most “wonderful” Time Of The School Year

January 16, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — Ah yes, the holidays — that magical season when students briefly escape the carefully managed chaos of student housing and return to their homeland for the year’s…

Heated Bribery: Dalhousie Introduces Gay Solution To Low Hockey Turnout

January 16, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — Following the immense success of Crave’s LGBTQ+ romance show Heated Rivalry, many brands and institutions have capitalized on the hype, all striving to proclaim, “Hey, we’re cool!…

The Mackerel runs out of budget for stock photos, forced to improvise

January 5, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — The first week of October took a tragic turn for the staff of the Mackerel, as the publication’s Shutterstock subscription — long thought to be eternal and…

The Mackerel Semester Recap

December 18, 2025 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — As the semester comes to an end, the Mackerel thanks its loyal writers for their continued devotion to honest reporting of real facts on news that actually…

Five Tips To Help You Write Your Honours Thesis

December 18, 2025 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — As the fall semester comes to a close, many undergraduate honours students have begun to fall victim to their thesis. It’s hard to fathom that the hard…

Posts pagination

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You missed

Dalhousie Erects Vagina Monument To Mirror Marine Venus Penis Statue 

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Dalhousie Introduces New Course Registration System With Official Ticketmaster Partnership

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

The HRM White Monster Theory

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Intramural Athlete Retires From Sport Due To Pressure From Fan (Singular)

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel
Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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