HALIFAX, N.S. — For years, a statue on Dalhousie University’s campus has left students confused, intrigued and a little turned on. Now, the Marine Venus statue on University Avenue, outside the Kenneth C. Rowe Management Building, on Dal’s campus, is promised a new soulmate.
Constructed in 1969, Robert Hedrick, the statue’s sculptor, erected the piece on Dalhousie’s campus to symbolize a marine barnacle. It was meant to be situated next to a reflecting pool, so the cock, I mean statue, would be able to appreciate its own huge hog beauty. However, funding fell short, and the Marine Venus has been left in isolation for the past 55 years. Now, in light of Dalhousie’s partnership with the SRM Institute of Science and Technology in Chennai, India, a statue of a vagina has been erected on the SRM campus to serve as a link between the two schools.
It will feature a beautiful pearl nestled within a layered spherical form, symbolizing strength and resilience. According to three giggly second-years, the statue will be “the most pleasurable statue in modern art history.”
However, some interpret the statues a little differently. Blaire Flinn, a fourth-year Dal commerce student, believes the Marine Venus “just looks like a penis, and now they’re adding a vagina to the mix.”
“I guess it’ll be progressive.”
Due to Nova Scotia’s recent cuts to arts and culture programs, the administration was forced to cut some corners during production. The stone used for the statue was mined straight from the sea floor of Kim Brooks’ personal coastal oil refinery, at which point there was no budget left to pay sculptors, so arts students were rewarded with a pat on the back and a promise of lower tuition. The promise was made by Brooks, with fingers crossed behind her back.
From there, the sculpture was sent by way of cargo ship to India, sharing a boat with many Dalhousie-funded weapons of mass destruction being shipped to Israel.
Despite the genital statues being conceptually connected, the penis and vagina statues will never make contact, symbolically representing the experience of many computer science students.
However, some students are less than pleased with sending away the vagina statue.
“How come we are stuck with the dick?” said third-year Dal commerce student, Jack Richards. “It’s like, damn, let me go to campus and see some cock and balls? That shit is gay.
“And for my frat brothers at Zeta Psi, the vagina statue is symbolic of how much we pull. We would be worshipping that statue day and night.”
Despite his claims, Richards was unable to differentiate between the vagina statue and an oyster statue and was no more successful in identifying the location of the statue’s clitoris.
*PSA: the Dalhousie art committee is imploring students to stop rubbing the Venus, it’s wearing him down. They want the statue to look spick and span before they unveil the clam, which is given the name Clit-O-Ris (it’s French).*
By Sam Creighton and Matt MacDonald