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Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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Latest Post

Dal’s ‘Goblins and Ghosts’ class accidentally summons Prince of Darkness ‘Flo for poop’: inside Dal Innovates’ latest investment Dalhousie religious studies hires evangelical megachurch pastors Alberta sets the score: King’s holds separation referendum Wallace McCain’s journal reveals intimate feelings for Henry Hicks

Intramural Athlete Retires From Sport Due To Pressure From Fan (Singular)

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — In a huge upset to Dalhousie University’s casual non-competitive mixed-gender intramural ultimate frisbee league, the star player of Team Suck My Disc is retiring just before the…

A Guide To Modern Dating With An Oedipus Complex

February 26, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — Are you struggling to find your ideal match? Someone who’ll take care of you and love you unconditionally? Do you want to settle down with that ideal…

MrBeast Appointed Marketing Executive of Tim Hortons Roll Up To Win Contest, Introduces Shocking New Prizes — and Punishments 

February 26, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — Tim Hortons is bringing back the iconic Roll Up To Win contest in honour of its 40th anniversary, but some argue the scale of the contest has…

Dalhousie Unveils New AI Counsellor, No More Effective Than You’d Expect

February 26, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — With various cuts announced to all Dalhousie University programs and services, Student Health and Wellness has taken a devastating hit. The previous team of four mental health…

‘Olympic Village For Nerds’; Inside the Computer Science Sexcapades of the Dalhousie Hackathon

February 26, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — In what has been described as “the Olympics of computer science,” Dalhousie University hosted a hackathon for students from Feb. 20 to 22. Thousands of students came…

Andy Fillmore Gifts The Irish Ambassador A Box Of Lucky Charms As An Act Of Solidarity

February 3, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — In what political aides described as “tone deaf” and “as close to a white-on-white microaggression as you can get,” Andy Fillmore recently gifted an Irish ambassador a…

“Sex Sells,” Declares Dalhousie Student, Offering Uber Eats Alternative With Questionable Marketing Tactics

February 3, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — One of Dalhousie University’s best and brightest marketing majors has just launched a more cost-efficient version of Uber Eats called BrokeBoyEats. Here, Haligonians can find deals such…

‘The Vaccine Made Me Do It’: Perpetrator Blames Vaccination After Being Caught Red-Handed

February 3, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — Early in the morning on Jan. 6, law enforcement received reports of a belligerent individual attempting to break into Halifax City Hall. When police reached the scene,…

Going From NPC To Main Character: How To Reclaim Campus As A Hangout Spot

February 3, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — Do you feel things on campus are getting too boring? Your friends all dropped out after the first semester, the sights and sounds of campus have grown…

Dalhousie Sells STEM Programs To Lockheed Martin

February 2, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — The American defence and aerospace manufacturing corporation, Lockheed Martin, recently announced its acquisition of all the science, technology, engineering and mathematics programs at Dalhousie University. While negotiations…

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You missed

Dal’s ‘Goblins and Ghosts’ class accidentally summons Prince of Darkness

November 5, 2026 Emily Rogers

‘Flo for poop’: inside Dal Innovates’ latest investment

November 5, 2026 Jacob Waldner

Dalhousie religious studies hires evangelical megachurch pastors

November 5, 2026 Charlie McLaughlin

Alberta sets the score: King’s holds separation referendum

November 5, 2026 Lilly Spoelstra
Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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