HALIFAX, N.S. — One of Dalhousie University’s best and brightest marketing majors has just launched a more cost-efficient version of Uber Eats called BrokeBoyEats. Here, Haligonians can find deals such as pizza for only $8, a burger for $5, and a hamster from PetSmart for $1.99. Viral on social media for its outlandish, often provocative advertisements, BrokeBoyEats’ founder can be seen barking, pissing, getting pissed on, deepthroating a straw and moaning in his advertisements for the “fucking cheapest food delivery fucking service in the fucking history of human reproduction,” as stated in his advertisement … I really can’t make this shit up.
Watch out! BrokeBoyEats ads are highly likely to catch you off-guard while you’re brainrotting in the comfort of your own home. Political science major Aaron Cummon told the Mackerel, “I was just scrolling … you know, looking at cute dog reels, when all of a sudden I was getting pissed on through my screen. It was this ad for fucking BrokeBoyEats. I was scared at first, then amused, then concerned for the creator’s well-being.”
While BrokeBoyEats ads are enjoyable to some, the platform itself is less than enjoyable. If you find yourself on the site, you’ll be greeted by specials based on days of the week that seem to offer nothing. There are no specials. Actually, there is nothing you can buy on the site at all. While being pissed on through my phone’s screen, I kind of wanted that $8 pizza that was promised in the ad. However, the site offers nothing but the humiliation that comes with believing that you would be able to buy an $8 pizza. Nonetheless, customers are able to add an item labelled Test 1 to their cart for free. Not sure if Test 1 is testing the function of the website for the developer or testing my sanity.
Don’t worry, if you really feel the need to contact the developer, you can head over to the Contact Us tab, where you will be greeted by a screen that just has the word “hi.” Is this some sick joke? For a second, I really believed that something good and affordable would come out of Halifax, yet here I am … wrong again.
By Matt MacDonald