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Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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Dalhousie Erects Vagina Monument To Mirror Marine Venus Penis Statue  Dalhousie Introduces New Course Registration System With Official Ticketmaster Partnership The HRM White Monster Theory Intramural Athlete Retires From Sport Due To Pressure From Fan (Singular) A Guide To Modern Dating With An Oedipus Complex

Professor Extends Assignment’s Due Date, Saving The Lives Of Several Close Family Members

March 15, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S.— Rarely do miracles occur on Dalhousie University campus, yet this past Friday a wave of inexplicable luck was experienced by members of a first year management class. Students…

Irishman Reaches End Of Rainbow, Finds No Pot Of Gold, Only Gay Club

March 15, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S.— Rory McCarthy, an Irish student at the University O’King’s College has recently been searching for the elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and the…

Halifax Landlords Double Rent Prices After Labeling Mice As ‘Undeclared Tenants’

March 15, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S.— Halifax landlords have once again found new and creative ways to scam unsuspecting students, with some landlords increasing rent prices on units with ‘undeclared tenants.’ Wilbur Barrett, a…

Letter To The Editor: What You Said About My Major Really Hurt My Feelings And I’d Like You To Stop

March 1, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

NOTE FROM THE TEAM: This was an article written by our editor in chief, Cheeky Williams, intended to be a part of a ‘Letter to the Editor’ column that was…

OPINION: Veronica I know You Follow This Page Please Just Call Me Back We Can Work Things Out

March 1, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

NOTE FROM THE TEAM: This story was submitted by a contributor under the name of Carlo Aguilar. The opinions expressed here are entirely his own and are not representative of…

Dalhousie Neuralink Recipient Enters Comatose State After Campus Wifi Crashes (Again)

March 1, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S.– Dalhousie University’s resources and extensive list of well respected researchers have allowed fourth-year neuroscience student, Bilal Khan, the opportunity to receive a Neuralink brain chip implant. In the…

Student Accidentally Sends Love Letter To Prof To Entire Class (Again)

February 16, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — Valentine’s Day has come and gone and love is still in the air. Sometimes, however, love can get out of hand, as shown by English student Marjorie…

First-Year Attempts To Navigate Tunnels, Ends Up Going On Journey Of Self-Discovery

February 16, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

(UNDER) HALIFAX, N.S.— Wednesday morning, first-year student Zack Williams had two of his classes back-to-back, one in the Killam Library and one in the Life Sciences Centre. Williams decided to…

“Action: Drop” Student Uses DalOnline To Clear Dating Roster

February 5, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Cuffing season has come and gone, and many students have been left with nothing but a large roster of flings. Many students have turned to DalOnline’s registration options…

Dalhousie Decides To Divest From Students Entirely; Converts Campus Into Massive Oil Rig

February 1, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS — On this beautiful morning, many Dalhousie residence students were awoken by the soothing sounds of construction. However, upon venturing outside to attend their various classes, many students…

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You missed

Dalhousie Erects Vagina Monument To Mirror Marine Venus Penis Statue 

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Dalhousie Introduces New Course Registration System With Official Ticketmaster Partnership

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

The HRM White Monster Theory

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Intramural Athlete Retires From Sport Due To Pressure From Fan (Singular)

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel
Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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