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Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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Latest Post

Dal’s ‘Goblins and Ghosts’ class accidentally summons Prince of Darkness ‘Flo for poop’: inside Dal Innovates’ latest investment Dalhousie religious studies hires evangelical megachurch pastors Alberta sets the score: King’s holds separation referendum Wallace McCain’s journal reveals intimate feelings for Henry Hicks

Computer Explodes As Text Wrapping Settings Of Image In Word Document Altered Slightly

March 4, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—Firefighters responded to a call on Preston Street late Tuesday evening as a smallfire broke out due to the spontaneous combustion of a laptop computer. The fire was quicklycontained,…

Student Forcibly Sworn In As President Of Dalhousie Outdoors Society After Purchasing 2004 Subaru Outback With Roof Rack

March 4, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Tired of being confined to the Halifax peninsula, 4th year environmental science student Thomas Wiler browsed through Kijiji in hopes of finding some new wheels. “I knew it was meant…

Dalhousie Security Terrified To Confront King’s Student Chain Smoking In Killam Study Area

February 28, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Alex Monet was apprehended by Dalhousie Security on Sunday night, but not before chain smoking cigarettes in the Killam for three straight hours. When questioned as to why…

Student Whose Parents Met In University Is Dangerously Close To Graduating Single

February 22, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Sasha Linden, a fourth-year biology major, finds herself in the midst of a quarter-life crisis after the starkrealization that her parents had already been dating for a year and a…

A Handy Guide To Your Professors’ Maritime Slang

February 22, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Maritimers are known for having a strange and unique vocabulary. For many Dalhousie students,understanding the slang your prof uses can be just as difficult as understanding the content they teach.We…

New Study Shows 100% Of Proposals Done With X-Rings End In Messy Divorce

February 18, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

X-rings are one of the shining symbols of a Maritime education. Those fortunate enough to havegraduated from StFX don the prestigious jewelry to let everyone know they once got their…

Walking Through Ice-Covered Halifax Commons Announced As Late Addition To 2022 Winter Olympics

February 11, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS — The 2022 Winter Olympics are currently underway in Beijing, but one special event will take place here in Halifax. The Halifax Commons is a place to roller…

Updated Dalhousie Student Insurance Removes Therapy Coverage Entirely In Lieu Of Mental Health Check-In Emails From Administration

February 10, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— For students who take advantage of Dalhousie’s insurance policies, therapy coverage will no longer be available during the winter semester. Felicity Galman, a spokesperson for the university, spoke…

Woman In Arts Becomes Woman In STEM After Performing At Home Rapid Test

February 9, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Following a COVID-19 scare last weekend, English student Melanie Fernsby decided to use her first at-home rapid test. Shortly after posting a photograph of her negative test on her Instagram…

Dalhousie Administration Covers Penis Statue With Recycling Bag In Effort To Promote Safe Sex Practices

February 8, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

With STI clinics shut down province-wide due to limited lab capacity, Dalhousie administrationhas become increasingly concerned for the sexual health of its students. As such, the bolddecision has been made…

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You missed

Dal’s ‘Goblins and Ghosts’ class accidentally summons Prince of Darkness

November 5, 2026 Emily Rogers

‘Flo for poop’: inside Dal Innovates’ latest investment

November 5, 2026 Jacob Waldner

Dalhousie religious studies hires evangelical megachurch pastors

November 5, 2026 Charlie McLaughlin

Alberta sets the score: King’s holds separation referendum

November 5, 2026 Lilly Spoelstra
Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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