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Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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Latest Post

The next Billboard No. 1: Dalhousie commissions new school song Brad Marchand seen visiting family under Oulton-Stanish Centre ahead of 2026-27 NHL season King’s Chapel Choir to headline KingsFest to compete with DalFest Mackerel exclusive: interview with Shane, new Off-Campus Council mascot Letter from the editor: a new chapter for the Mackerel

Unsuspecting Grad Student Trampled To Death After Class In The Ondaatje Is Let Out Early

October 20, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Tragedy struck on Tuesday afternoon as Master’s student Melanie Jenkins was caught in a sudden stampede of students. Prof. Cait McNamara ended her first year physiology class in…

Damn-It: The Dumbest Person In Your Program Landed A Prestigious Co-op Job

October 19, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—Despite reports of being a “huge moron that no one likes”, Carl Tuckerson has accepted a summer internship as a business analyst at Google. Tuckerson’s classmate Taylor McConnell commented…

Best Places To Study On Campus

October 15, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

A comprehensive list of Dal's best study spots.

Student Apathetically Applies To Grad School In Ill-Fated Attempt To Prolong Entry Into Real World

October 14, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—No one feels less passionate about their own education than 5th year honours student Patrice Bexley. Nonetheless, she has spent hours pouring over her uninspired application for a Master’s…

Killam Library Seamlessly Repurposed As Maximum Security Prison

September 15, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX,NS—Dalhousie’s Killam Memorial Library has been repurposed as Canada’s newest maximum security prison. The library–which was expected to be closed for nine months–was only out of operation for three days…

Dalhousie Student Hits Rock Bottom: Expands Tinder Radius To Include SMU

September 15, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—Bright-eyed and bushy tailed, Nathan Miller entered the school year with one naive hope: that he may be able to find love between the streets of South and Quinpool.…

O-Week Leader In Hospital After Safe Sex Interpretive Dance Routine Results In Torn ACL

September 6, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—What began as an artistic display promoting safe sex practices ended in disaster as O-Week leader, Cassandra Bigetti, tore her ACL during a daring pirouette in front of an…

Students Begrudgingly Inviting Least Favorite Acquaintances To Parties As “Covid Numbers” No Longer Viable Excuse

September 3, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

As the difficulties of the pandemic slowly fade away, new obstacles have emerged for university students province-wide. With the prospects of restrictions lifting, and unchecked house parties returning, one fear…

Groundbreaking “Res-Online” Experience Created As Consolation For Hundreds Of Rejected Students

June 19, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

With hundreds of students being rejected from Dalhousie residences due to Covid-19 backlogs, an online alternative is being offered for the 2021/2022 school year. A spokesperson for “Res-Online” spoke to…

Confused Student Waits In Line For Two Hours, Mistaking Rapid Testing Site For Splitty’s Power Hour

April 29, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

“I guess I should have known something was up—there were so many seniors and children in line”

Posts pagination

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You missed

The next Billboard No. 1: Dalhousie commissions new school song

September 10, 2026 Jacob Waldner

Brad Marchand seen visiting family under Oulton-Stanish Centre ahead of 2026-27 NHL season

September 10, 2026 Jessica Enhaynes

King’s Chapel Choir to headline KingsFest to compete with DalFest

September 10, 2026 Sam Cline

Mackerel exclusive: interview with Shane, new Off-Campus Council mascot

September 10, 2026 Jacob Waldner
Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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