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Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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Dalhousie Erects Vagina Monument To Mirror Marine Venus Penis Statue  Dalhousie Introduces New Course Registration System With Official Ticketmaster Partnership The HRM White Monster Theory Intramural Athlete Retires From Sport Due To Pressure From Fan (Singular) A Guide To Modern Dating With An Oedipus Complex

Calls For Safety Inspection Grow As Dalplex Revolving Doors Claimed Five Victims Over December Exam Period

January 6, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—An ambulance outside the Dalplex has become a common sight for many students and staff during the exam periods as the gymnasium revolving doors continue their reign of terror.…

Dalhousie Residences Able To Achieve Covid-Zero By Removing Students Entirely

January 4, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Dalhousie administration has taken bold action in reducing Covid cases within university residences: getting rid of student residents completely. The actions taken by Dalhousie are quickly becoming the…

Heartwarming: Local Man Touched That He Is Considered ‘Close’ Contact Of Someone He Thought Was Just An Acquaintance

December 31, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—With relationships strained by the numerous Covid restrictions implemented over the past two years, many are left with fractured friend groups, unsure of who they can really count on.…

“The Streets Will Toughen Her Up”: Students Discuss What To Do With House Cat Over Christmas Break

December 15, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—For many groups of university roommates, large house decisions are rarely given much consideration in terms of long term consequences. This rings especially true for a group of four…

Letter To The Editor: It’s Never Too Late To Give Up On Your Dreams

December 15, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Finals season has officially begun—but as you brace for the 50% exam in that class you hate, consider this: you can still quit. At this time of year, it’s easy…

King’s Student Heartbroken After Phoebe Bridgers Is Nowhere To Be Found In Their Spotify Wrapped

December 3, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—Bianca Fironia was found in a heap in the residence bathroom after she discovered that her spotify wrapped did not contain one mention of Phoebe Bridgers. “Now all my…

With Discovery Of Killam Tunnels, Student Able To Cut Daily Outdoor Time Down To Mere Seconds

November 26, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—For many first-year students at Dalhousie, new campus areas and features are constantly being discovered. One student, Wilfred Grisham, has found this especially true, delighted when he found he…

Letter To The Editor: Maybe They Should Keep The LSC Closed Forever

November 18, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—This past Sunday, a fire broke out in the biology wing of the Life Sciences Centre. Today it opens back up to students… but what if it didn’t? What…

Wearying Burden: Student Has Seen 180 Elderly Naked Men At The Dalplex

November 15, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Male patrons of the Dalplex have been forced to grapple with the harsh reality of what lies in their future. It has almost become a guarantee that elderly men will…

Proof Of Unvaccination Required At Local Abortion Protest

November 15, 2021 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—Anti-abortionists are once again hitting the streets of Halifax to protest, this time with a new mandate. To participate in the protest, all attendees must not be vaccinated against…

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You missed

Dalhousie Erects Vagina Monument To Mirror Marine Venus Penis Statue 

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Dalhousie Introduces New Course Registration System With Official Ticketmaster Partnership

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

The HRM White Monster Theory

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Intramural Athlete Retires From Sport Due To Pressure From Fan (Singular)

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel
Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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