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Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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Dalhousie Erects Vagina Monument To Mirror Marine Venus Penis Statue  Dalhousie Introduces New Course Registration System With Official Ticketmaster Partnership The HRM White Monster Theory Intramural Athlete Retires From Sport Due To Pressure From Fan (Singular) A Guide To Modern Dating With An Oedipus Complex

Updated Dalhousie Student Insurance Removes Therapy Coverage Entirely In Lieu Of Mental Health Check-In Emails From Administration

February 10, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— For students who take advantage of Dalhousie’s insurance policies, therapy coverage will no longer be available during the winter semester. Felicity Galman, a spokesperson for the university, spoke…

Woman In Arts Becomes Woman In STEM After Performing At Home Rapid Test

February 9, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Following a COVID-19 scare last weekend, English student Melanie Fernsby decided to use her first at-home rapid test. Shortly after posting a photograph of her negative test on her Instagram…

Dalhousie Administration Covers Penis Statue With Recycling Bag In Effort To Promote Safe Sex Practices

February 8, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

With STI clinics shut down province-wide due to limited lab capacity, Dalhousie administrationhas become increasingly concerned for the sexual health of its students. As such, the bolddecision has been made…

Oldest Campus Paper In North America Enlists Satire Writers In Last-Ditch Effort To Make Students Care About Actual News

February 7, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

In early 2022, uncertainty still clouds the air, from COVID-19 disinformation to a constantbarrage of false political claims. Through all of this, one thing is certain: the world needs morefake…

University Of King’s College To Celebrate ‘King George III Day” Instead Of Munro Day To Prove Its ‘Not Like Other Schools’

February 6, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Halifax, NS – As Dalhousie takes this Friday off to honour George Munro, King’s has instead opted to celebrate a different George: King George III. “As a school, we like…

Dalhousie Introduces New “Dal Let’s Be Quiet” Campaign In Effort To Continue Ignoring Student Mental Health Crisis

January 26, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Wednesday, January 26th marks the first annual “Dal Let’s Be Quiet” campaign, aimed to silence the conversation and increase the stigma of mental health issues, especially for students.…

Halifax Police Sleep Well Knowing Freezing Winds Keep Homeless Population Uncomfortable While They Are Off-Duty

January 13, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—An internal report into sleep deprivation within the Halifax Regional Police has shown that quality of sleep is directly correlated to an increase in wind chill. The report shows…

The Dal Tiger Sees Instability From Kellogg’s Workers Strike As Opportunity To Oust Tony The Tiger As Mascot

January 12, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— The Kellogg Company is vulnerable after experiencing eleven weeks of worker strikes that culminated in late December. The Dal Tiger has recognized this as a chance to usurp…

Dalhousie Cancels Class Due To Winter Weather, Saving Students Treacherous Journey From Bed To Desk

January 7, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—Halifax has been struck yet again by dangerous winter weather. As a result, the decision has been made to suspend all classes for the remainder of the day in…

Fifth-Year Engineering Students Excited To Learn What Engineering Means As They Enter Final Semester

January 7, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—While the start of the winter semester can be stressful for many students, a handful of engineering majors are eagerly awaiting the beginning of classes as they hope to…

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You missed

Dalhousie Erects Vagina Monument To Mirror Marine Venus Penis Statue 

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Dalhousie Introduces New Course Registration System With Official Ticketmaster Partnership

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

The HRM White Monster Theory

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Intramural Athlete Retires From Sport Due To Pressure From Fan (Singular)

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel
Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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