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Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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Latest Post

A guide to performative LinkedIn posting Microsoft launches new short-form content feature for Authenticator R.I.P. Sam Creighton Dalhousie to construct ‘terrible noise generators’ outside Howe Hall Students rejoice over LSC bathroom’s indefinite closure

“Well I Don’t Consider Myself ‘From’ Any One Place” Answers First-Year Student Who Took Gap Year

September 7, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—First year student Alyssa Fortworth knew she had made a mistake the second she asked the question. “Well that’s really hard to answer,”explained dorm neighbour Scott Bissick, who had…

All Available Literature Concludes Hooking Up With Your Dorm Room Neighbour Is A Terrific Idea That Won’t Backfire At All

September 6, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—Elias Rumpkin, a masters student in Dalhousie’s health promotion department, has recently published her groundbreaking thesis. In the paper—a literature review— Rumpkin asserts that despite what you may think,…

Water To Be Completely Shut Off During O-Week In Commitment To Fully Dry Campus

September 2, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—Dalhousie administration has announced that all campus water supplies will be shut off from September 1st-4th to ensure a completely dry campus during O-Week. “In past years, solely banning…

Quinpool Superstore Receives Flood Of Off Duty RA Applicants After Success Of Off Duty Cop Hiring

July 25, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Following the news that off duty HRP officers were being employed part-time at the Quinpool Superstore, hiring manager Shelby Washburn claims she has received a near constant stream of applications…

NS Government Recommends COVID Patients Refrain From Spitting Into Strangers Mouths When Possible

July 7, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Many Nova Scotians are weary of changes made to the Province’s COVID strategy. Chief Public Health Officer, Dr. Robert Strang, held a press conference inside of an aged…

Fountain School Of Performing Arts Announces For Credit Co-op At Oasis Karaoke

April 7, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Many students find themselves drawn to Dalhousie due to its many prestigious co-op programs. While faculties such as commerce and engineering boast highly established and diverse co-op opportunities,…

Self-Proclaimed Girlboss Actually Just Woman Who’s Over Committed Herself

April 7, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Local influencer Rachel Gagnon has been making waves in the local LinkedIn community for her achievements. She is a full time management student, an MLM essential oil saleswoman,…

Student Recreates Series Of Traps From ‘Home Alone’ To Protect Secret Campus Washroom

April 6, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Over the course of her eight years as an undergrad at Dal, the most important thing Heather Long learned was how to protect her secret campus washroom. The…

Second Year Commerce Student Called ‘Easy’ For Having Over 500 LinkedIn Connections

April 5, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Everybody remembers their first LinkedIn connection. Some start making connections well before university, while other late bloomers don’t even think about starting their profile until third or fourth…

Deep Saini Unable To Hear Divest Dal Representatives At Board Meeting Over Sound Of Oil Rig Drilling In President’s Office

April 4, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Divest Dal, a Dalhousie student society, has its sights set on pressuring the university to liquidate its endowment holdings in fossil fuel giants, investing instead in more environmentally…

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You missed

A guide to performative LinkedIn posting

October 8, 2026 Charlie McLaughlin

Microsoft launches new short-form content feature for Authenticator

October 8, 2026 Zacharie Zegers

R.I.P. Sam Creighton

October 8, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Dalhousie to construct ‘terrible noise generators’ outside Howe Hall

October 8, 2026 Celeste Boutilier
Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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  • “There’s Just Some Creep Lookin’ at Me”: President Of Dalhousie To Ban Mirrors On Campus Amidst Confusion On How They Work
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