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Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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Dalhousie Erects Vagina Monument To Mirror Marine Venus Penis Statue  Dalhousie Introduces New Course Registration System With Official Ticketmaster Partnership The HRM White Monster Theory Intramural Athlete Retires From Sport Due To Pressure From Fan (Singular) A Guide To Modern Dating With An Oedipus Complex

Entire Student Body Locked Out Of Brightspace After University Adds “Name A DSU Council Member” Security Question

March 13, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—Dalhousie administration has added a security question to the widely used curriculum delivery service, Brightspace. In the name of school spirit, administration decided to make a question specific to…

Confused Dalhousie Track Captain Enrolls In ‘LAWS2194: Critical Race Theory’ In Hopes Of Improving Game Day Performance

March 10, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— For the majority of students, the syllabus goes unread until it is spoon-fed to them on the first day of classes. With class names being sometimes ambiguous, confusing,…

Dalhousie To Offer Free Tuition To Any Woman Who Enrolls In Group Project Based Computer Science Course

March 9, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—New incentives for women in computer science at Dalhousie have been announced alongside the faculty’s new Here We Code initiative. Now, any woman who chooses to stay in computer…

Computer Explodes As Text Wrapping Settings Of Image In Word Document Altered Slightly

March 4, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—Firefighters responded to a call on Preston Street late Tuesday evening as a smallfire broke out due to the spontaneous combustion of a laptop computer. The fire was quicklycontained,…

Student Forcibly Sworn In As President Of Dalhousie Outdoors Society After Purchasing 2004 Subaru Outback With Roof Rack

March 4, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Tired of being confined to the Halifax peninsula, 4th year environmental science student Thomas Wiler browsed through Kijiji in hopes of finding some new wheels. “I knew it was meant…

Dalhousie Security Terrified To Confront King’s Student Chain Smoking In Killam Study Area

February 28, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Alex Monet was apprehended by Dalhousie Security on Sunday night, but not before chain smoking cigarettes in the Killam for three straight hours. When questioned as to why…

Student Whose Parents Met In University Is Dangerously Close To Graduating Single

February 22, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Sasha Linden, a fourth-year biology major, finds herself in the midst of a quarter-life crisis after the starkrealization that her parents had already been dating for a year and a…

A Handy Guide To Your Professors’ Maritime Slang

February 22, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Maritimers are known for having a strange and unique vocabulary. For many Dalhousie students,understanding the slang your prof uses can be just as difficult as understanding the content they teach.We…

New Study Shows 100% Of Proposals Done With X-Rings End In Messy Divorce

February 18, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

X-rings are one of the shining symbols of a Maritime education. Those fortunate enough to havegraduated from StFX don the prestigious jewelry to let everyone know they once got their…

Walking Through Ice-Covered Halifax Commons Announced As Late Addition To 2022 Winter Olympics

February 11, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS — The 2022 Winter Olympics are currently underway in Beijing, but one special event will take place here in Halifax. The Halifax Commons is a place to roller…

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You missed

Dalhousie Erects Vagina Monument To Mirror Marine Venus Penis Statue 

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Dalhousie Introduces New Course Registration System With Official Ticketmaster Partnership

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

The HRM White Monster Theory

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Intramural Athlete Retires From Sport Due To Pressure From Fan (Singular)

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel
Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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