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Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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Dalhousie Erects Vagina Monument To Mirror Marine Venus Penis Statue  Dalhousie Introduces New Course Registration System With Official Ticketmaster Partnership The HRM White Monster Theory Intramural Athlete Retires From Sport Due To Pressure From Fan (Singular) A Guide To Modern Dating With An Oedipus Complex

Roommate Leaving For Weekend Offers Opportunity For Massive Fridge Space Land Grab

October 2, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—September 29th: This Thursday morning, roommate Justin McElenney gave the following briefing concerning the ongoing Fridge-Space Territorial Conflict: “After receiving credible intel that my roommate Liam Thomas will be…

Five Ways To Mourn The Queen During The Upcoming Holiday

September 15, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Colonize a foreign nation Marry your cousin Cover up your son’s sex crimes Have your daughter-in-law murdered Spit on an Irish person We hope whatever strategy you should choose will…

Tree Planters Recovery Program Introduced At Dalhousie For Student’s Who Can’t Stop Talking About Their Summer In The Bush

September 15, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

It’s hard to fault any student for feeling a certain dread as summer comes to a close. However, for one group in particular, this period signifies not only the bleak…

Bookstore Offers To Buy Back Mint Condition Textbook For Three Stale Cigarettes And A Partially Used Burt’s Bees

September 15, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—Second-year student Natasha Obermayer is excited for the coming school year, having learned many valuable lessons during her first year at Dalhousie. “First and foremost, there is no chance…

“Well I Don’t Consider Myself ‘From’ Any One Place” Answers First-Year Student Who Took Gap Year

September 7, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—First year student Alyssa Fortworth knew she had made a mistake the second she asked the question. “Well that’s really hard to answer,”explained dorm neighbour Scott Bissick, who had…

All Available Literature Concludes Hooking Up With Your Dorm Room Neighbour Is A Terrific Idea That Won’t Backfire At All

September 6, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—Elias Rumpkin, a masters student in Dalhousie’s health promotion department, has recently published her groundbreaking thesis. In the paper—a literature review— Rumpkin asserts that despite what you may think,…

Water To Be Completely Shut Off During O-Week In Commitment To Fully Dry Campus

September 2, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS—Dalhousie administration has announced that all campus water supplies will be shut off from September 1st-4th to ensure a completely dry campus during O-Week. “In past years, solely banning…

Quinpool Superstore Receives Flood Of Off Duty RA Applicants After Success Of Off Duty Cop Hiring

July 25, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Following the news that off duty HRP officers were being employed part-time at the Quinpool Superstore, hiring manager Shelby Washburn claims she has received a near constant stream of applications…

NS Government Recommends COVID Patients Refrain From Spitting Into Strangers Mouths When Possible

July 7, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Many Nova Scotians are weary of changes made to the Province’s COVID strategy. Chief Public Health Officer, Dr. Robert Strang, held a press conference inside of an aged…

Fountain School Of Performing Arts Announces For Credit Co-op At Oasis Karaoke

April 7, 2022 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Many students find themselves drawn to Dalhousie due to its many prestigious co-op programs. While faculties such as commerce and engineering boast highly established and diverse co-op opportunities,…

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You missed

Dalhousie Erects Vagina Monument To Mirror Marine Venus Penis Statue 

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Dalhousie Introduces New Course Registration System With Official Ticketmaster Partnership

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

The HRM White Monster Theory

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Intramural Athlete Retires From Sport Due To Pressure From Fan (Singular)

March 13, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel
Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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