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Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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Latest Post

A guide to performative LinkedIn posting Microsoft launches new short-form content feature for Authenticator R.I.P. Sam Creighton Dalhousie to construct ‘terrible noise generators’ outside Howe Hall Students rejoice over LSC bathroom’s indefinite closure

OPINION: Veronica I know You Follow This Page Please Just Call Me Back We Can Work Things Out

March 1, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

NOTE FROM THE TEAM: This story was submitted by a contributor under the name of Carlo Aguilar. The opinions expressed here are entirely his own and are not representative of…

Dalhousie Neuralink Recipient Enters Comatose State After Campus Wifi Crashes (Again)

March 1, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S.– Dalhousie University’s resources and extensive list of well respected researchers have allowed fourth-year neuroscience student, Bilal Khan, the opportunity to receive a Neuralink brain chip implant. In the…

Student Accidentally Sends Love Letter To Prof To Entire Class (Again)

February 16, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, N.S. — Valentine’s Day has come and gone and love is still in the air. Sometimes, however, love can get out of hand, as shown by English student Marjorie…

First-Year Attempts To Navigate Tunnels, Ends Up Going On Journey Of Self-Discovery

February 16, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

(UNDER) HALIFAX, N.S.— Wednesday morning, first-year student Zack Williams had two of his classes back-to-back, one in the Killam Library and one in the Life Sciences Centre. Williams decided to…

“Action: Drop” Student Uses DalOnline To Clear Dating Roster

February 5, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Cuffing season has come and gone, and many students have been left with nothing but a large roster of flings. Many students have turned to DalOnline’s registration options…

Dalhousie Decides To Divest From Students Entirely; Converts Campus Into Massive Oil Rig

February 1, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS — On this beautiful morning, many Dalhousie residence students were awoken by the soothing sounds of construction. However, upon venturing outside to attend their various classes, many students…

Man Pursues Triple Major In Film, Commerce and Comp Sci After Watching The Godfather, The Wolf Of Wall Street and The Social Network Back To Back

February 1, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Students of Dalhousie University have continued to raise the academic bar this week with the recent announcement of a student aiming to graduate with a triple major. Kyle…

Returning Students Set ‘Hitting Rock-Bottom’ As New Year’s Resolution, So They Can Only Go Up From There

January 19, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— Andy Dryer, a second-year business student, set an unusual new year’s resolution, along with some of his classmates. While many approach the new year with a “new and…

Top 6 Ways To Avoid Eye Contact With Your Residence Neighbours

January 19, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— As residences reopen this January and students return to their dorm rooms, introverted students are once again facing the challenge of having to walk past their peers in…

English Major Graduates With Zero Job Prospects But Now Has Ability To Write Really Good Fan Fiction

January 19, 2024 The Dalhousie Mackerel

HALIFAX, NS— In the midst of an ever-expanding STEM job market, the value of an arts degree has diminished in the eyes of the general public. However, for students like…

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You missed

A guide to performative LinkedIn posting

October 8, 2026 Charlie McLaughlin

Microsoft launches new short-form content feature for Authenticator

October 8, 2026 Zacharie Zegers

R.I.P. Sam Creighton

October 8, 2026 The Dalhousie Mackerel

Dalhousie to construct ‘terrible noise generators’ outside Howe Hall

October 8, 2026 Celeste Boutilier
Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

Dalhousie's Satirical Newspaper

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