HALIFAX, N.S. — In an Oct. 20 email sent to multiple news outlets across Nova Scotia, the Dalhousie Pisser detailed his final message to Dalhousie University students.
The letter was sent after the Pisser was pronounced dead by law enforcement in Northfield, N.S., late last month. In a police statement, authorities said it’s likely the letter was automatically triggered by the dead-man’s switch found on the Pisser’s body.
Related: Dal Pisser found dead
The Mackerel has chosen to publicize the Pisser’s final message.
Students of Dalhousie,
My life is a dwindling stream.
Whilst I shake off the final drops, I have found the courage to write my goodbye letter. I hope you can forgive me for some of the piss I got on the seat.
If you’re reading this, my stream has stopped flowing.
Over a year ago, on the chilly fall evening of September 15th, 2025, I pissed on Howe Hall. My naïveté flowed as strongly as my stream as I took that first step, and before I knew it, I was King. I had it all. I pissed all over campus, driven by nothing besides a love for my craft. Some feared me, others worshipped me, but my identity was a secret to all.
As my influence grew, so did my operation. The media and others reported copycats who popped up all over the country. Copycats? Puppets! You see, I pulled the strings. I marked my territory like never before, but alas, my aim failed me. The puppets broke from their strings. It was taken too far.
In horror, I watched what I had set in motion, but once it starts, we all know how difficult it is to stop. When mutiny lurked, I did my best to uncover the new regime’s secrets. My warning to you: a new piss era is dawning. No building is safe. When winter comes, you will all be living in the Great Yellow North.
I am at fault, and I am sorry. Death is my escape, but I leave you with a fighting chance.
The documents I stole suggest leaving a 24-pack of Alexander Keith’s under the Halifax Wave at 9 p.m. every Thursday could appease the new regime. Do not survey the area. Also, be very precise with the time because the new piss order might have a class at 8:30 the next morning, or something.
It is with a heavy heart, and a heavier bladder, that I write these final words:
I wish you all the best of luck in these dire times. May your streams be strong.
– The Dalhousie Pisser