HALIFAX, N.S. — The streets which once ran gold now run red.
On Sept. 22, Halifax Regional Police officially released a statement identifying the suspicious body found in a cabin in Northfield, N.S., as the Dalhousie Pisser.
The Dalhousie Pisser, known as @thedalhousiepisser on Instagram, gained significant notoriety at Dalhousie University after posting several videos of them allegedly urinating on campus.
The Instagram account has been inactive since December 2025, which led many to believe Pisser’s legend had concluded, until now.
Law enforcement opened an investigation into a suspicious death at a cabin off of Highway 8 in Northfield, N.S. The investigation was prompted by multiple reports that the premises smelled like rotting meat, feces, sour milk and ammonia.
According to the initial police report, officers on scene entered and found the body of an unknown person who had experienced at least six months of decomposition after allegedly being brutalized beyond identification. According to the autopsy report, the victim was theorized to be a male between the ages of 18 and 25.
“We couldn’t even get a dental record,” says Officer Ken Kennedy. “I haven’t seen a body fucked up this badly since Dr. Miami botched my ex-wife’s yabbos.”
The report shows the man’s pants had urine stains, which outside sources initially theorized to be the calling card for the Pisser before officials could confirm the identity of the victim.
“Turns out dead folks just kinda pee themselves,” said Kennedy in a follow-up statement to the Mackerel. “Bet I would’ve known that if I paid attention in police school.” The Pisser also had a dead man’s switch in their hand, but it’s unclear whether it was actually tied to anything or just foreshadowing for a future article.
According to the police report, the cabin where the body was found is suspected to be either the base of operations for the Pisser or was used as a hideout after Dalhousie’s administration threatened expulsion.
In crime scene photos obtained by the Mackerel, maps of campus lined the walls of the cabin and vacuum-sealed jars of piss were scattered on the floor.
A smartphone and laptop were found in the cabin that were logged into the Pisser’s Instagram account.
Given the Mackerel’s previous reporting on the Pisser, a question arises in light of this development: Wait, didn’t the Dalhousie Gazette’s editor-in-chief confess to being the Dalhousie Pisser last year? Isn’t this clearly just a retcon? Can we even fucking trust the Mackerel to report the news?
First of all, that’s three questions. — learn to count, dipass. Second of all, the answer to all of those questions is, well, yes and no.
After a team of second-year Dalhousie computer science students hacked into the Pisser’s laptop, the Mackerel gained access to a list of contacts who are now persons of interest in the investigation.
From this contact book, the Mackerel confirms that while the former EIC and the Pisser were in contact last year, they are not the same person. The Mackerel tried to reach out to the former EIC for a comment, but she just tried to pee on us — she’s seemingly very committed to her false confession.
The Mackerel has since mapped out a possible network of pissers across various educational institutions alongside numerous individuals otherwise unassociated. However, what’s been dubbed the “network of pissers” is clearly just a ramp-up for sequels that will milk the faded star of this once significant moment in student culture until it ruins student journalism forever.
While these findings answer why the Dalhousie Pisser’s Instagram account has been inactive for so many months, many questions are raised in turn.
Mainly, how the fuck did we get here? How deep does this toilet humour conspiracy go? Is the cabin body even the right guy? This reeks of a story that will likely need three, or possibly four, issues to properly wrap up. It also reeks of piss.