HALIFAX, N.S. — “It struck out against the darkness, creeping out from within the shadows with a feline hiss before retreating into the catacombs.”
This sentence describes the creature spotted lurking beneath the Life Sciences Centre at Dalhousie University’s Studley Campus in recent months.
“At first, I thought I was losing my mind, which is actually the scientific term for it,” says Carl Kantstatt, a second-year psychology student and the first individual to report witnessing the beast on Oct. 16. “Then I thought it was just one of the minotaurs, but I was pretty sure none of the half-man, half-bulls were allowed to wear funny, colourful hats.”
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Described as over two metres tall when standing on two feet, the cryptid is usually described to be covered in a thick layer of matted achromatic hair, with some reporting a crimson bow tie on what may very well be its neck.
A group of biology students unsuccessfully tried to capture and vivisect the creature, largely because of rampant in-fighting on how to taxonomically define the cryptid.
“Everyone says it’s a mammal,” says Linsy Æus, a fourth-year biology student. “I’m confident it’s an invertebrate with a hydrostatic skeleton. The hat is just a feeding proboscis of some form.”
Dalhousie Security Services was uncharacteristically quick to act on reports from students, fumigating the LSC tunnels to draw the beast out of hiding. These efforts too were unsuccessful, merely resulting in the death of a geology student who was not forewarned of the operation.
Dalhousie communications chose not to comment on the incident at this time. The Mackerel can only imagine the tragedy this would’ve been if the student was studying something important.
As nothing of value was damaged during the fumigation process, the university is considering repeating the process with harsher chemicals, alongside an armed personnel squad to locate and poach the creature.
Following suggestions by executives at the University of King’s College on methods to capture roaming beasts (a feat they are very familiar with), inquiries as to the effectiveness of children’s poetry in capturing this animal are ongoing.
“I’m just gonna say it. I think we’ve been overthinking this whole situation,” says Austin Climax, a third-year marine biology student who has allegedly had several interactions with the creature.
“I’ve used the LSC tunnels a fair amount these past few weeks, and while I appreciate how thorough the scientific community has been on this matter, it’s really just a student in a children’s costume. We should be more concerned about the possibility that this is just some guy rather than a cryptid.”