HALIFAX, N.S. — In light of the recently resolved Dalhousie Faculty Association lockout — YouTube star and Rolling Stone’s seventh most influential influencer of the year — Mr. Beast, has announced plans for a new reality show.
What has been called “the ultimate test,” “TV gold” and “incredibly dystopian” is set to begin filming on Oct. 3. A leak on Reddit, posted by user Bim_Krooks, stated that professors will be locked in the Killam Library with no food or water, facing multiple difficult challenges. The last person to leave gets $200,000 a year, on top of their current salary. Everyone else must go back to work like nothing happened.
Early reports suggest the challenges won’t just test endurance, but will also “reflect the academic spirit of Dalhousie.” One leaked challenge allegedly involves professors grading 600 first-year essays in under 24 hours, without access to caffeine.
Other leaked challenges include: burying a TA alive for 48 hours, hiding from the “Beast Gang” for as long as possible (please don’t let them find you), deleting the four-year-old recycled lecture they keep using and many more.
Participants will reportedly have chances to gain advantages by stealing them from other players, meaning salaries, benefits and tenure status are all up for grabs.
Dalhousie University’s board of governors has praised the competition, calling it “an innovative solution to financial disputes.”
One anonymous board member noted, “If all fails, we’ll just replace them with ChatGPT. Way cheaper.”
The DFA condemned the event, stating, “We didn’t do seven years in grad school to play dodgeball for dental benefits.”
Despite backlash against locking professors in the Killam Library and making them do weird challenges, Mr. Beast stated that the games are only just beginning. He claims no YouTube revenue will go to the university, but students are questioning where the money for the new hockey rink is coming from.
By Matt Macdonald