HALIFAX, NS—Dalhousie administration has announced that all campus water supplies will be shut off from September 1st-4th to ensure a completely dry campus during O-Week.
“In past years, solely banning alcohol in residence has proved ineffective,” reflected Kristin Felman, a Dalhousie representative. “Not only would we catch students smuggling in booze, but they would be taking showers, washing their hands, even filling up water bottles at drinking fountains. Campus was far from dry— back at O-Week 2017 it even rained for three days!”
To address health concerns of hydration and hygiene, university administration has implemented several measures. Students will be assigned a weekly time during which they are permitted to bathe off the Queen’s Marque steps in the Halifax harbour. Further, administration has said dehydration is not of concern as students will be “drinking in the tiger spirit” all week long. Reportedly, the Saint Mary’s soccer pitch has been designated as toilet facilities.
The Mackerel asked a number of first years their thoughts on the dry campus regulations.
“I’ve already got a plug in Howe,” said Henry Robinson, a first-year commerce major. “Not just tap water. We’re talking SmartWater, Fiji, Evian—the good shit,” he boasted.
A very fitting “H-2-NO” is the slogan for O-Week 2022, which comes to a close September 5th, at which point the Dalhousie community can expect water to return to campus.