HALIFAX, N.S. — Using the near-forgotten methods of our ancestors (Buzzfeed and teen magazines), The Dalhousie Mackerel has developed a foolproof method of determining your area of study. Just answer the following questions as truthfully as possible, and behold our magic.
1. Pick an elective.
- Privacy in your parents’ basement 101
- Pretension 200
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- Coloring 210: Staying in the lines
2. How often has your major been the joke of a Mackerel article?
- On occasion
- Rarely
- 01110100 01101111 01101111 00100000 01101111 01100110 01110100 01100101 01101110
- Every week
3. What are your plans after graduation?
- Teaching
- More school
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- Unpaid internship, you gotta break into the industry somehow
4. What word would your friends use to describe you?
- Accepting
- Awkward
- 01010011 01101101 01100101 01101100 01101100 01111001
- Boring
5. Best use for the Gazette
- Reading
- Composting
- 01010010 01100101 01101101 01101111 01110110 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01100100 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011 00001010
- What’s the Gazette?
6. Worst degree requirement?
- Life and physical sciences
- Social science
- 01010111 01110010 01101001 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111
- Writing
7. Do those around you not understand how hard your major really is?
- Absolutely
- 100%
- 01110100 01101111 01110100 01100001 01101100 01101100 01111001
- Yes
8. How many hours do you spend on campus per week?
- 30
- I spend less time off campus than on
- 00110110 00110000
- Campus?
9. $$?
- What’s that?
- Maybe
- 01001000 01100101 01101100 01101100 00100000 01111001 01100101 01100001 01101000 00100000
- Finally a symbol I recognize
Results:
If you answered mostly A, congrats, you’re an arts student. You love your degree now, but you haven’t figured out what to do with it, if anything, yet
If you answered mostly B, you’re a science student. You either love or hate your major, but whichever it is, you think every other student’s got it easier than you.
If you answered mostly C, you’re a computer science student. You’ve heard all the stereotypes already, but let’s run over them again for good measure. You smell bad, you can’t get a date and you’re only in it for the money
If you answered mostly D, you’re a business student. You needed a degree, and this seemed like the easiest. Don’t forget to thank mommy and daddy for the tuition, rent, and spending money.
By Ryan Van De Wiel