Halifax, N.S. — As the unsanctioned street party known as Hoco draws near, Dalhousie University administration is eager to prove they have learned from past failures in their attempts to shut it down. While Dalhousie president Kim Brooks will be preoccupied preparing for her set at Magnetic World, Dal Admin has stepped up to the plate by producing a four step plan to put a stop to hoco.
Step One: Invite SMU Students
As the natural enemy of the tiger, the presence of any SMU Huskies is likely to deter the accumulation of Dal students.
Step Two: Smoke Them Out
By offering free cigarettes at the street party, King’s students will flock to the event and begin chain smoking so vigorously that the cloud of smoke will force other attendees to evacuate.
Step Three: Ask Reallllly Nicely
Just for good measure, Dal Admin will send out a mass email to all Dal students that reads as follows ‘Pwetty pwease don’t go to’ alongside a sad looking emoji.
Step Four: Tell Your Mom
This step is only to be used as an absolute last resort, reaching out to students’ mothers so they may berate their kids about how they are nothing but a disappointment for wasting her hard earned money to get blackout drunk in public at 2:00 pm.
By Sam Creighton