HALIFAX, NS — Late Monday evening a heinous crime took place under the watchful eye of a seasoned Halifax Regional Police Officer. Clark Coleman, 43, was standing guard at his usual post — Quinpool Superstore’s meat aisle — when he heard those chilling words, “Just gonna sneak right past ya.” A shiver ran down his spine. He turned, gun drawn, but it was already too late. The thief had made off with a family-sized package of chicken breasts, believed to be worth more than a cashier’s daily wage.
This was merely the latest in a string of high-profile crimes committed by the ‘Sneaky Bandit’ in recent months, often taking place right under the nose of the Halifax Regional Police.
On the condition of anonymity, The Mackerel was able to conduct an exclusive interview with the man, who, speaking through a voice changer, explained he was inspired to a life of crime by Loblaw’s President Galen Weston. “No one takes more from innocent people than Mr. Weston,” he told our reporter. “He’s like a modern day Robin Hood, if Robin Hood took from the poor and gave to the rich.”
Asked how hard it is to get the HRP off his trail, he said: “All it takes is a light jog, or for them to see a homeless shelter they could be tearing down instead.”
These repeated failures have led many in the community to question HRP’s bloated budget, and the wisdom of having armed police guard groceries. We wrote in asking for comment, but our message has gone unanswered, allegedly due to literacy issues the organization is struggling to remedy.
By Kent Richards