NOTE FROM THE TEAM: This story was submitted by a contributor under the name of Carlo Aguilar. The opinions expressed here are entirely his own and are not representative of the thoughts and feelings of the team of The Mackerel.
HALIFAX, N.S. – Ronnie, I fricked up so bad this time and I’m a stupid little baby man. Words can’t even express how badly I messed up our entire situationship. You’ve blocked me on everything (including my Dal email), so I’m making one last attempt at contacting you to let you know I want to get back together.
I’m so fucking sorry Veronica. I should have never put my love for Rubik’s Cubes before you. I’ve always had a problem, but I know attempting the world record for most cubes solved while unicycling instead of going to your mother’s funeral was the wrong move. Even if you were being totally selfish about it.
We went together like peanut butter and another sandwich condiment. Please. I need you so much. I am nothing without your spread over my bread. I’ll forfeit the cubing for you, and I could maybe be talked into making one more change. But nothing big. I love you so much, please.
Remember when we went to homecoming together and drank out of the same garden hose, and we both caught typhoid fever? There’s no one else in the world I can imagine doing all that romantic stuff with… and I have tried to insert your hot sister into that memory multiple times! You are my one and only Vanessa, I swear.
I have been crying this entire time while listening to Coldplay, so hopefully that paints a good picture of where I’m at right now. Please just call me babygirl, I got another burner phone because you blocked all my other ones. The number is 536-783-8204
I just need 13 seconds of your time and I promise I can win you back 😉
Sincerely,
Carlo Aguilar.
By Jake Waldner