HALIFAX, NS—The current President of Dalhousie, Dr. Deep Saini, announced earlier this week the complete removal of any and all mirrors present on Dalhousie and Kings campuses. A landmark decision for all bathroom users on campus, the ban is slated to come into effect “right now, or however long it takes to get rid of the fucking things”.
“The first time I saw one, I knew we had to get rid of them—there was just some creep lookin’ at me!” Explained Dr. Saini in a press release.
“He was copying everything I did, too. Right down to the little things. When I blinked, so would he. Freaked me the fuck out. And of course nobody told me they put one in every dorm room—like we need that right now.”
Many students and faculty members are frustrated that the ban has been put into action on such short notice, and find that the decision reflects poorly on the institution.
“I honestly don’t know what they expect me to do,” says Tom McGillicuddy, a member of the campus security team. “They removed all of the mirrors in our security cars, how the hell am I supposed to back up? I’ve gotten into like 3 accidents already.”
He went on to add that he now merges onto the highway by “taking a glance and leaving the rest to whatever god allows things like this to happen”.
The Mackerel was originally prepared to inquire as to if the President had ever seen his own shadow, but was advised against asking.