HALIFAX, NS— At midnight on October 19th, Dalhousie campuses lost power — the TAs normally operating stationary bikes hooked up to the grid stopped pedaling. This comes as a direct result of the CUPE 3912 strike, requiring all part time teaching assistants and part time academics to cease work until an agreement can be reached with the university. Dalhousie is now scrambling to be reattached to Nova Scotia Power lines to restore power on campus.
The previous evening, Dalhousie sent a university-wide email informing the community of the strike set to begin the following day and detailing strategies used to avoid the situation. As with homecoming, administration worked tirelessly to agree on a productive solution: doing absolutely nothing. The administrative team working on negotiations was completely baffled that such drastic measures had been required twice in the past three weeks.
“We really couldn’t have seen this coming,” explained a representative of Dalhousie. “Although on our end, it could be considered a win — we’re saving thousands in wages while TAs strike, and all we have to do is significantly decrease the efficiency, quantity, and quality of education we offer to students,” they continued.
Despite putting on a brave face for the public, sources close to many members of the Dalhousie administration team have disclosed that the lack of TAs is having overwhelmingly negative effects. Many high level administrators have been seen walking around campus with scuffed shoes, as TAs are no longer available for daily shoe shines. Passersby have noted a pungent smell of BO emanating from the boardroom where deliberations to end the strike are held. Sources have confirmed that this appears to be the result of the cancellation of TA-provided sponge baths. On entering the boardroom it was clear that those seated at the table were required to do the unthinkable — many were feeding grapes off the vine to themselves, a task normally reserved for TAs. October 14th issues of The Dalhousie Mackerel were seen splayed across the boardroom table — the only humour source available with TAs no longer performing as boardroom jesters. While students have voiced their concerns on the struggles put on them due to the strike, it is more than evident that senior administration are shouldering the brunt of the burden.
Further, faculty members will be hit hard as a result of the strike. Professors currently teaching classes will be expected to complete the marking previously done by TAs. The Dalhousie Faculty Association has come out claiming that forcing professors to read assignments completed by Dalhousie students is cruel and unusual punishment, and are now threatening strike action themselves as a result. “Have you read some of this stuff?” questioned anthropology professor Shirley Putright. “These poor TAs deserve the pay increase they’re demanding. The suffering they endure consuming student produced content is something I wouldn’t even wish on a SMU employee,” she explained.
Contradicting themselves, the university has claimed to be working towards a swift end to the strike, while also stating that wage parity will be addressed along the same timelines as fossil fuel divestment and international tuition increase reversals.