HALIFAX, NS — “Oh, this is easily the biggest party of the year. Every time” explained Henry Griffin-Gilligan. “I haven’t slept in three days, that’s how dedicated I am to this thing.” The excitement of the alleged history major was shared amongst the rest of the crowd as they gathered to celebrate this life-changing event. “Find someone who cares more about who the president is. I dare you. If I could mainline university staffing politics into my artery I would walk around with an IV bag.”
It was hard not to be that enthusiastic for many of the people also attending the massive party designed for one thing only: the inauguration of the newest president and vice-chancellor of Dalhousie, Kim Brooks. It is to be called “Homecoming”, which is supposedly an inside joke to those who listened to her playlist, which will be played by the DJs at the event.
The preparations being made for the occasion are said to be completely depleting HRM’s supply of plastic picnic tables. One of the event’s organizers, Raz Chateneau, assures people that they’re being used for a good cause.
The event was being celebrated by Halifax Regional Police as well, with several police officers and emergency personnel attending, they even brought a pony for Brooks.
“Yeah we’re all gathered to uh, mourn her loss. That’s why we need the tables, so people can set their drinks down to…grieve. BYOB? That stands for… ‘Brooks, you’re our…bresident.’ You say it with an accent.”
Of course, there are some who were simply following the swarms of people in search of cheap fun but once they were made aware of the reason for the celebration, their moods quickly changed.
“Wow… I didn’t know she went hard in the paint like that,” sighed an unknown partygoer The Mackerel interviewed on the street. “This completely changes my perspective on today. Kim Brooks, everything that is about to happen is dedicated to you!”
With passionate attendees such as these ones, it is hard to see how this monumental gathering could create any problems of any kind.
By Derek Bartlett