HALIFAX, NS — After receiving a “you up?” text at 11PM last night, a first-year Dalhousie student (who requested that their name be omitted from this article) donned a baseball cap, face buff, and oversized sunglasses, before departing residence after ensuring they weren’t seen. The reason for their clandestine behaviour? The text was sent by a student from Saint Mary’s University.
Under cover of night, they took a roundabout route — ducking between South End homes cutting through backyards, and dodging busy streets wherever possible — towards Saint Mary’s University. Between glances over their shoulder to ensure they were not followed, the anonymous student adjusted their disguise, pulling their hood over their head and lowering their cap further still.
Upon escaping immediate danger of recognition by fellow Dalhousie students, they braved an equally dangerous, but less familiar peril: SMU students. The incognito traveller dropped their shoulders, and standards, before entering SMU’s Loyola residence, hoping to appear as innocuous to the potentially hostile locals as possible. Near the end of a relatively safe voyage, terror struck mere footsteps away from their destination. “You smell like you go to a respectable university,” accused a SMU student in the residence elevator. The Dalhousie student improvised a shrug, and although their accuser retreated warily, their heartbeat didn’t slow until they reached the safety of their situationship’s residence room, pulled down the blinds, and signed the provided non-disclosure agreement.
By Grace Brown