HALIFAX, NS — Exam season, beloved universally by Dalhousie students, is approaching quickly. It is now common to spot crowds skipping and holding hands on their way to the Killam library, and lecture halls filled with those praying in silence for peace on earth. This is what most people think of when picturing exam season at Dalhousie, but for a very small minority, the reality is far from peaceful. Life for these students is fraught with perilous stress over deadlines and immeasurable confusion over their course material, driving them to unspeakable alternatives.
“I’ve heard rumours of my next door neighbour attending a professor’s office hour — I can’t imagine having to resort to such measures,” explained Chuck Ponscomp, a third-year biology major. “I attended my first class of the semester last week, and I thought that was extreme enough,” he continued. “If you ever feel unsure about something and think you need help, just know that you’re super weird, and nobody else has ever needed help before,” added commerce major Greg Aux-D’or.
Some students are feeling like attending office hours and asking questions in class is all but necessary, considering the dire circumstances in which they find themselves. “I sent an email to my professor the other day — I promise it was the first time, and hopefully the last. I’m ashamed of the lengths I’ve had to go to trying to learn the entire course content over two weeks — but I feel like there’s nothing else I could have done,” explained a first-year student in an e-mail to The Mackerel. The anonymous sender, [email protected], also requested to have their name omitted from the article.
Billy Ketch, another affected student, spoke to The Mackerel through tears, explaining “I was five semesters clean from asking questions — FIVE WHOLE SEMESTERS! I just can’t believe this year has to end on such a low.”
Despite the deep polarization the issue has created, many professors have expressed delight at seeing certain students’ faces for the very first time. “I honestly thought I was teaching a class of eight until my inbox was flooded with questions from over fifty different students,” explained Dr. Doug Purn.
The Mackerel wishes everyone all the relaxation that comes with exam season, and offers our sincere wishes that you do not find yourself needing to take such unthinkable actions.
By Derek Bartlett