HALIFAX, NS — As Dalhousie reaches its 3rd week without a permanent replacement for its previous president, a palpable excitement can be felt throughout the campus as students and faculty wait patiently for the new heir to be announced. Fortunately, the community can rest easy knowing that day is soon to come. Released earlier this Monday was a memorandum detailing how the selection process has entered the most important phase of all — throwing a wool blanket over candidates’ heads and seeing which one has the wits to wrestle it off first. The test is said to assess the general intelligence of candidates, as well as their ability to make difficult decisions ‘with their eyes closed’.
“It’s been taking so long to pick a new president because none of them have been able to take it off yet,” explained Dr. Frank Harvey, acting president of Dalhousie and head of the presidential search committee.
Despite the test having seemingly stumped most of the candidates, they were all still reportedly in good spirits. “It is SO dark in here!” exclaimed Dr. Richard Van Stuhl. “This whole president thing must be really tough!” Dr. Stuhl was asked for further comment but promptly tripped down a flight of stairs, somehow still managing to keep the blanket over his head.
By Derek Bartlett