HALIFAX, NS — The registrar’s office has issued an updated list of requirements for students pursuing a minor in religious studies. If a student can prove to have made eye contact with a missionary handing out Books of Mormon, Bibles, or weird homophobic pamphlets in Victoria Park they will be awarded 6 credit hours towards their minor.
“In depth study of ancient scriptures and philosophical texts is essential to understanding the religions of the world, however, perhaps equally important is engaging in discussion with the people who actually get out on the street and explain their beliefs to others — whether forcibly or not,” explained religious studies coordinator Dr. Phillip Crownburg.
Third-year religious studies student Jacques Morton originally opted for ‘Interacting With Missionaries’, but after one day in the field, sent desperate emails to several professors, begging to be let into their classes. “I thought it would save me so much time — dropping my ‘Mystics of the Middle East’ course and making conversation with one of those blond guys in ties. After five minutes it was clear that it would be far easier to just sit in class two times a week for a semester than taking out my AirPods to be lectured by an overly cheerful guy dressed like a waiter”.
“I’m honestly jealous. It would be great if I could ditch ‘Biomechanics of Human Motion’ and just go hang out with the guys slacklining in the commons for a credit,” said fourth-year kinesiology student Raymond Ingram. It remains to be seen whether the change will inspire other such updates to Dalhousie program requirements.