X-rings are one of the shining symbols of a Maritime education. Those fortunate enough to have
graduated from StFX don the prestigious jewelry to let everyone know they once got their stomach
pumped, showed up to class a handful of times, and spent their formative years wreaking havoc on the
elderly community of Antigonish.
Now, some students are trying to redefine the X-ring, using it for love.
“I was nervous Candace wasn’t going to say yes. But once she saw that glistening X-ring, she
knew I was the one she would spend the next 5-7 years resenting,” said StFX alumnus, and three time
divorcée, Scott Higgins, excited about his most recent engagement.
Senior analysts at Statistics Canada have been left baffled after finding that 100% of StFX alumni
proposals done with X-rings end in a messy divorce. This finding comes after the Alumni Association
conducted a survey in an attempt to showcase the inevitable success that comes with the prestige of a
StFX degree.
“We’re always taught that correlation doesn’t equal causation,” commented one analyst. “But
this is 100% causation,” he assured The Mackerel.
Reportedly in the 27 proposals done with X-rings, all 27 marriages ended in divorces with
lengthy legal battles.
The President of StFX commented on the finding.
“The irony isn’t lost on me. It is an incredibly fortunate coincidence that it is called an X-ring–
with this news about guaranteed divorce, the rings are finally living up to their name.