HALIFAX, NS—An internal report into sleep deprivation within the Halifax Regional Police has shown that quality of sleep is directly correlated to an increase in wind chill. The report shows that many officers were losing sleep over concerns that the homeless population of Halifax was not being properly harassed while they were off duty, however, they can now rest easy knowing that winter weather will be keeping them just as uncomfortable as the police usually do.
Louis Chambers, Deputy Chief Of Police for the HRP was quoted as saying “Personally, I was having sleeping problems all summer, but ever since this cold snap, I’ve been sleeping like a baby”.
“You don’t know how much it hurt to look my son in the eyes and tell him that not only wealthy, housed HRM citizens were sleeping comfortably over the summer months” Chambers continued.
An anonymous officer expressed his thoughts on the matter, stating “Some people find it hard to mentally check out from work— but knowing that the harsh maritime elements are stepping up and doing our jobs for us? That provides more relaxation than you could dream of,” following with “Ever since Spring Garden has been closed to traffic, we’ve had to cut down on tormenting the homeless population there, which has been hard on us”.
When questioned by The Mackerel as to why lack of road access would affect any police activity, the officer retorted with “What? Get out of our cars and walk? Are you f****** crazy?”.