TRURO, NS—New additions to the Langille Athletic Center on the Truro Agricultural Campus were finally opened to students this past Tuesday.


“We wish to offer our students the gold standard in athletics,” stated the athletic director of Dalhousie Truro campus, Iain MacDonald. “To ensure this, the methods by which students train must reflect the physically demanding nature of their future careers,” he continued.


$3 million was allotted to the renovations, with sources telling The Mackerel that so many incredible suggestions were brought forward by the community that it was difficult deciding which projects to undertake. In the end, new additions to the gym included three new squat racks, two ellipticals, three belligerent heifers (for wrangling), and a manual hay baling station for the warmer months. Three shiny new shovels were also added to the campus’ already existing two metric ton pile of manure.


Originally included in the improvements, the “Climbing-up-the-silo-with-a-pitchfork-to-shovel-out-silage-when-the-machine-breaks-and-you-need-to-get-the-feed-down” installation was finally cut. Safety and budget concerns were cited as the primary reasons.