We here at the Dalhousie Gazette know that every student at Dalhousie keeps a copy of each paper in a dedicated box in their dorm. We appreciate your commitment to keeping up with our journalism and recognize your commitment to this paper. However, that stack must be getting fairly high as the term draws to a close, and we would never want to take up the space you use to pile your DoorDash garbage. Rather than burning your paper copies in a bonfire on the Wickwire Field, or simply leaving them behind for your RAs to find during their summer inspection, here are a few eco-friendly and Gazette-honouring ways to use your newspapers.
SUB: Make better Dal merch
These pages can be turned into most anything, so why not a hoodie? Try out a
T-shirt pattern and cover yourself in Dal-specific quotes, stories and humour to wear out. I’d recommend using the love and sex issue stories to make a stunning gown and really get conversations started. Anything would be better than what they have going on in the bookstore, so get creative!
SUB: Grow a vegetable
Did you know you can make mini planters with simple newspapers? Finally get yourself some vegetables for the first time since you left your parents house. Try it yourself at home or in your dorm. Simply fold, wrap and tape pages into cylinders, fill with dirt and seeds and place in a window. Make sure water never comes in contact with your craft, or it will fall apart.
SUB: Line them across your floor to collect pesky droppings
You know the saying: “If a mouse isn’t pooping under your radiator, you’ve left Halifax.” Get to cleaning by laying down layers of articles to get that mouse poop from hitting the floor, then roll and pitch into the garbage. Make sure you can’t see an inch of your floor. To be safe, maybe cover every surface in your room. You don’t want to see anything but the arts and culture articles. Don’t be concerned when the mice start using the newspaper for their own nests, they’re just helping spread the news.
SUB: Keep a few around to look busy
Shove a couple copies into your bag for emergencies. When that weird, overeager TA comes around, or your ex from first year walks in, pull out the sports section and get really invested in the trials and tribulations of the Dalhousie Tigers. Anything you’ll read in a three year old copy of the Gazette will be better than making small talk with someone who knows your name that you swear you’ve never met before.
SUB: Transform them into decor
Too broke for the poster fair? Bored of the off-white walls in your room? Need some pizazz in the drudgery of university? Tape a few classic articles to your wall. Class it up and make a collage. Mix it up, too; a few from news and maybe a crossword or two for an interactive experience. Anyone that walks in will immediately see you as cultured, literate and a superfan.
SUB: Use them as projectiles to throw at SMU students
When those cocky, marron-wearing nerds walk by, roll up a few issues and pitch them out your window. If you’re concerned about giving them papercuts, don’t worry, you definitely will. To create more damage, use those old mouse poop ridden ones that you really need to get rid of. Try a few techniques and see what works for you: underhand, overhand or good ol’ slingshot style. No matter how you hurl them, you’re still showing your school pride.
By Ferris Kerr