Dating can be difficult, especially at Dalhousie. Everyone kind of sucks — at sex, communicating and demonstrating emotional intelligence, most of all. But worry not! No matter who you are, who you’re looking to date or what faculty you’re with, I have a few tips and tricks I swear by (as a seasoned dater) for finding that special someone. Find your major below for great info — and then go get the love of your life!
SUB: Computer Science
Girls love a good cologne — and lucky for you, the comp-sci faculty has scent perfected. The first time I walked into the Goldberg Building and took a whiff, I was practically salivating with want from the scent. There’s nothing like a good dose of body odour to get a girl going. A recommendation for you comp-sci students is to keep up those hours of video games and no shower. Then, just come to campus and suitors will be lined up outside your class.
SUB: Psychology
After a couple first-year psych classes, you all seem to know so much. You’re practically therapists already, so why not psychoanalyze your crush! I know you already do it to everyone you know. Just don’t mention your daddy issues — it doesn’t always bode well. You can and should reference Freud though; nothing sexier than projecting your crush on your mom onto your girl.
SUB: Math
Whip out your rulers and protractors; flashing around your big tools has a certain seductive charm. Who needs something flashy like a watch or car when you could flirt with math tools? The bigger the better — size really does matter. To really entice your certain someone, you can even let them touch it when the moment is right.
SUB: Geography & Geology
Show them your rock collection.
SUB: Commerce
Now, I know it’s hard to settle down with one person and I know it’s hard with all of the free time on your hands. First step to finding the love of your life is to not hook up with every other person at Dal. Let me know when you’ve all achieved this crucial step, then we’ll talk.
SUB: English
If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that soliloquies work wonders when it comes to dating. I practically have guys all over me because of how alluring my voice is when I march around Dalhousie shouting “But soft! What light through yonder window breaks.” Romeo and Juliet: the epitome of young love. Works every time.
SUB: Classics
Confess your love in a dying ancient language. They can’t reject you if they don’t know what you said!
SUB: Engineering
Talking about your future wealth is a fabulous idea — no matter that you’re currently leeching off mom and dad and will have to go 50/50 every date. The fact that someday you’ll have money is all that matters and boasting about this will surely attract your crush.
SUB: Political Science
. . . good luck. Unfortunately, you may be a walking red flag.
SUB: Creative Writing
Something every creative writing major has absolutely done is write a love poem: so take this a step further and give it to your crush. Don’t mention future employment opportunities though — that young, starving artist thing isn’t the lifestyle for everyone.
SUB: History
Wear that paper boy cap and your monocle — your fashion sense alone is sure to get the girl. Recite every battle from WWII. You can even re-enact your favourite historical moment for your crush in the quad.
SUB: Chemistry
We all know you just want to be able to create your own meth lab — fair enough. With all that pocket change, you should absolutely get your crush a gift. A souped-up periodic table or maybe a portrait of Avogadro will do.
SUB: Kinesiology
Take your crush to the Dalplex to workout and criticize their form; you, of course, know best.
SUB: Special Advice for King’s Students
I know plenty of you King’s students absolutely love a good cigarette. Don’t fret, I get it, you need a little something to take the edge off; reading every translation of The Iliad can really get to a person. Now, I’m no philosopher, but I do know that staring wistfully with a cigarette in hand does wonders. Maybe even consider blowing a little smoke their way. Or throw your reading list at them. That many books will surely get their attention.
By Kate Link-Horvath