HALIFAX, NS — On December 31st, 2022, Deep Saini stepped down as President and Vice-Chancellor of Dalhousie University. Dr. Frank Harvey stepped in during the search for a permanent replacement. An extensive recruitment campaign has taken place to attract talent globally to apply for the role. With hundreds of applicants for the coveted position, competition was fierce. One applicant, however, amazed the hiring committee with its concise, faultless answers: a Magic Eight Ball, purchased from ‘Twinkle Forest Toys and Collectibles’ on Barrington Street.
The Mackerel was lucky enough to secure an interview with The Magic Eight Ball prior to its Presidency, set to begin February 1st. After the customary shaking of hands and balls, the most relevant questions and answers to the Dalhousie student body have been transcribed below.
Chudley Chulkins: You’ve been chosen as the next President and Vice-Chancellor of Dalhousie?
The Magic Eight Ball: It is decidedly so.
Chudley Chulkins: Do you have a plan to address all of the turmoil Dalhousie has experienced in the past few years?
The Magic Eight Ball: Reply hazy, try again later.
Chudley Chulkins: Dalhousie and the Dalhousie Faculty Association have reached an agreement, avoiding a strike — can this be attributed to your shrewd negotiation skills?
The Magic Eight Ball: You may rely on it.
Chudley Chulkins: Some critics claim that your decisions and choices are entirely randomized — is there any truth to this?
The Magic Eight Ball: It is certain.
Chudley Chulkins: Despite this, do you believe your chance decisions will produce more positive results than Saini’s administration?
The Magic Eight Ball: Signs point to yes.
In an attempt to humanize the new President, Chulkins also asked a series of fun, get-to-know-you questions.
Chudley Chulkins: Do you have a favourite email service?
The Magic Eight Ball: Outlook not so good.
Chudley Chulkins: Would you like to share any fun facts about yourself?
The Magic Eight Ball: Very doubtful.
Insider sources claim that higher-level administration is concerned about the success of the unconventional choice for President. While Dalhousie is certainly on shaky ground, it is hoped that the new President will be able to work some magic.
Story by Sam Cutcliffe