In an unprecedented year, one thing has remained unchanged: students are not getting laid nearly as much as they think they deserve. The pandemic has, however, offered peace of mind to celibate students who can now rationalize their lacking dating lives.

“I’ve never been happier!” says 3rd year student (anonymous). “I’m still not meeting anyone special- sure- but now it’s completely guilt free!”.

In a recent poll of celibate students, 77% said to be “unsure” if they were ready for the pandemic to end, with 47% reporting they may not get vaccinated, as an excuse like this does not come along every day.