HALIFAX, NS— Alex Monet was apprehended by Dalhousie Security on Sunday night, but not before chain smoking cigarettes in the Killam for three straight hours.
When questioned as to why it took such a long time for the student to be stopped, security supervisor Ken Rankin said, “Look—if I’m being honest with you we were all pretty scared. They were surrounded by a cloud of smoke and holding a copy of The Marx-Engles Reader.”
Monet, a 3rd year Contemporary Studies student at King’s, says they don’t see what the problem is.
“Private property is a capitalist construct designed to keep the working class enslaved to the bourgeoisie,” said Monet, “and I think smoking indoors is a radical act of not only reclamation, but self-actualization.”
When asked their parents’ salaries, and if they pay for tuition, Monet declined to comment.
Rankin was the first security officer to take action, tackling Monet to the ground once they finished their last Belmont. “I…I don’t know why, but…I just had to let them finish,” he said, pausing in broken silence before beginning to sob uncontrollably, physically unable to finish the interview.
Rankin is now on a two week compassionate leave due to the incident. Dalhousie has brought in therapy dogs to help support the rest of the security staff during this difficult time.
Monet was fined by the university, but all charges were dropped after their parents threatened to cease their contributions to The Schulich School of Law.