HALIFAX, N.S. — A simple walk to see a Halifax landmark ended in disaster for a group of tourists, when a stage band from an Ontario university visited Nova Scotia. The band first landed in Nova Scotia the week of March 17, and were not seen again until March 23, 2025.
The band, known as the Sax Offenders, lost service on their cell phones after entering Point Pleasant Park. . The winding paths of the park quickly disoriented the members of the band, who went missing in the park for the next six days.
The band originally had 12 members, though upon their rediscovery, only 10 remained. When asked about their whereabouts, a band member shared the following.
“We had to eat him. We had to fucking eat him,” said McElroy McGee, a baritone sax player.
According to the accounts of several band members, the first two days, the berries and the squirrels in the forest kept the group nourished. By day three, they were fishing in the harbour and trying to signal to passing boats, who just honked in response, believing the group to be any average group of idiots that could easily manage to navigate the paths.
Going feral from their time away from society, the group began to worship the Harbour Hopper as their deity, thanking it for all of their food, and sacrificing the fauna of Point Pleasant in the Hopper’s name.
If that wasn’t bad enough, things took a more drastic turn on day four, according to McGee.
“We were going crazy without working phones. Our language slowly evolved into TikTok brain rot, so when one of us died from rabies associated complications from all the squirrel meat, all it took was one “bruh” before the Sax Offenders cannibalized the fellow band kid. It’s what the Harbour Hopper wanted.”
However, this only accounts for one of the two Sax Offenders that has still not turned up. Ronnie Shipman, the other missing member of the band, parted ways with the group due to lack of a vegan option for human flesh. Shipman remains unaccounted for.
After that dark fourth day, McGee says things looked up.
“A glimpse of society returned to us when we stumbled upon an abandoned military base. It was a gift from the Hopper.”
On their sixth day in the wilderness, they were found by a theatre troupe performing in Shakespeare by the Sea, finally returning the Sax Offenders to society.
It is legitimately baffling investigators and police how the group managed to stay lost and avoid finding literally anyone else at the park for nearly a week.
By Sam Creighton