Halifax, N.S. — Dalhousie University student Peggy Harper rang in the New Year with a bold academic resolution: to finally read every assigned textbook chapter and article for her courses. The ambitious second-year arts student, armed with a fresh set of highlighters, a bullet journal and an alarming level of optimism, announced her plan to friends during a New Year’s Eve party.
“I was so inspired,” said Harper, recalling her midnight declaration. “2025 is going to be my year. I even color-coded my classes and bought sticky notes in bulk. I thought, ‘Who needs Netflix when you’ve got environmental law?’”
Harper’s dreams fell short after her first day back on campus. Faced with a syllabus that demanded her to purchase three books while having to read and critique two journal articles by next class, she began to crumble.
“It was brutal,” Harper confessed. “The professor taught an actual lecture during syllabus week. That’s when I knew I was in over my head.”
By January 8th, Harper officially abandoned her resolution, citing “unrealistic expectations of time management” and “the existence of SparkNotes.” She plans to repurpose her highlighters for doodling in the margins of her lecture notes.
Harper’s peers expressed empathy.
“Honestly, we all knew it wouldn’t last,” said her roommate, Brianna Carter, a second-year business student. “She’s already locked herself away brain-rotting in her room.”
Dalhousie’s Counseling Services has already added extra slots for students grappling with abandoned resolutions, citing a spike in demand. As for Harper, she remains optimistic about next year.
“2026 will be different,” she promised.
By Matt Macdonald