Halifax, N.S. — In a groundbreaking announcement from Dalhousie University, the remote Sexton Campus has filed for Protected Wilderness Status. Officials from the faculty of engineering cited the campus’s unique bewildered buildings, and most importantly, its profound separation from the rest of Dalhousie’s academic ecosystem.
“For years, Sexton has existed in near-total isolation,” said Dean Graham Brickland. “The rare sightings of students from the main campus have become legendary.” Students on Sexton reportedly encounter more mice than they do arts students.
The decision follows years of complaints from students about how “treacherous” the journey to Studley Campus has become. According to student sources, the commute between Sexton and Studley requires either “a good hour of your life or a secret passageway none of us have found.” An informal campus survey revealed that over 80 of students hadn’t visited the main campus in over a semester, citing an “intimidating trek up Spring Garden Road” and “fear of civilization.” Sexton students are so wary of leaving their own turf that they opened their own bar, setting themselves apart from the typical Studley bar crowd.
To support the Protected Wilderness Status application, Sexton’s Student Union has proposed creating a brochure with tips for main campus students who “dare” to visit. “We’ll warn them to bring provisions and a compass,” said union representative Gavin Singh. “It’s rough out here, but we like it that way.”
If approved, Sexton will become the first university campus to be designated a Protected Wilderness Area — and the last place you’d want to run out of data.
By Matt Macdonald