HALIFAX, NS— The Dalhousie University campus has recently been thrown into disarray after the recent revelation that a faculty member is in fact a member of the Greek Pantheon. Nada D. Itty, an ocean sciences professor at Dalhousie, has been discovered to be Poseidon after a series of events that began with a full trident falling out of his briefcase.
The incident occurred at approximately 3:30 p.m. on Monday, Nov. 27. Itty was preparing to teach a lecture on the biology of sirens, when his briefcase came open and out clattered a six-foot trident. Most of the students in the class were on their phones and had not even noticed the trident, and only the TA pointed out to Itty that he had dropped something when Itty stood on the desk and said, “Alright, you caught me. I’m Poseidon. Thanks a lot. I had this whole big reveal planned, but great. You ruined it. No, no, it’s fine. I’m fine. This is just great. God, you really just HAD to say something didn’t you? You’re a disgrace.”
The TA in question, Parker Mulsew, had no suspicion of Itty whatsoever, he revealed in a statement to The Mackerel. “I don’t question much. When Itty would come to class in a toga, or tell me missing assignments were in the lost city of Atlantis, I think I just thought maybe he was a quirky bisexual. So when the trident fell out of his bag, I just thought to myself he’s into some weird shit,” Mulsew said.
Mulsew was just one of many surprised by Itty’s true identity. “How was I supposed to see this coming?” said Germaine Quigley, a student enrolled in Itty’s class. “I mean, sure, his briefcase is literally shaped exactly like a trident. I just thought he played some funky guitar.”
Meanwhile, Brandy Paxton, an investigative student journalist, was shocked for other reasons. “He was right under my nose the whole time… I knew there was something up with that class, I just never suspected Itty. I thought it was the TA the whole time. One time [Mulsew] came into class with wet hair, and from that point on I thought he was Neptune. He wore a seashell necklace to class, and he drinks slightly more water than the average person. If that doesn’t scream undercover god of the sea, I could not tell you what does. Itty, on the other hand, wasn’t suspicious in the slightest.”
Itty was last seen walking into the harbour on Tuesday, Nov. 28, with no reported sightings since. Many are claiming he has made his return to the ocean permanently, while others believe he is simply retrieving assignments from Atlantis.
By Sam Creighton