HALIFAX, NS— Norm Baxter caused quite a stir during his discrete structures exam when he attempted to psychologically overpower his notably very shy professor, Clarence Russell, with the hopes of achieving a better mark. Baxter, at the time, had a 43 in the course, and his parents had threatened that if he failed another class, they would stop paying off his second beach house.
“It was really intense,” said the person sitting next to Baxter, Sean Haagenson. “He just shot out of his seat and then got as close to the professor as he could all up in his face, and then he ate the exam, page-by-page without breaking eye contact.” Haagenson continued, “[Baxter] took the pen he was clutching in his hands and swallowed it whole, like some kind of chaser. He then began screaming.”
“LOOK AT ME” was reported to have reverberated through the halls surrounding the room at least half a dozen times. Russell, who had been reduced to a puddle of insecurity, tears and pee, could not bring himself to actually look at Baxter. It was at this point that many students began recording the altercation.
“If you won’t give me an A, I will give myself an A,” Baxter can be seen saying in several recordings. “You think you’re the alpha just because you have some goofy degree? Look at me, I am the teacher now,” Baxter continued, before writing ‘class dizmizzed’ on the chalkboard.
The Mackerel reached out to Baxter for comment on his actions, but immediately after his stunt, he hotwired a Dal Security van and fled the province – a move he had been teasing he’d do on his Instagram Live for the last few weeks.
The Mackerel also reached out to Russell for comment, but ever since the incident, he has been curled up in a ball on the stage floor of the Potter Auditorium. The lecture hall has been permanently shut down for teaching, and students have taken it upon themselves to shout affirmations at Russell in hopes of building back his confidence.
The only other person who got back to The Mackerel for an interview about the day’s events was a lone teaching assistant, who had “Now THAT’S why I became a TA” to say before putting on a pair of Oakleys and lighting up an imitation cigarette.
Baxter is now on track to become a tenured professor and will likely pass Discrete Structures with an A+.
By Jake Waldner