HALIFAX, NS– The scientific community at Dal is making major strides in tracking the behaviour of First Year populations. Due to the annual surge of missing persons cases caused by first years disappearing in the Life Sciences Centre, Biology majors are employing shark tracking technology to discover just where these first years disappear to.
Char Kebate, who is pursuing her Masters in Biology here at Dal, is writing her thesis on the behaviour of first year populations. When The Mackerel reached out for a comment, Char had this to say; “While it has been long theorised that disappearing first years are textbook cases of natural selection, recent evidence suggests that first years have actually adapted to the cold, hazardous cave system we call the LSC.”.
A specialised population of first year students would explain the longstanding mystery of crumbs and wrappers littered on the floors surrounding the LSC’s Tim Hortons. “The feral first years have adapted to use echolocation and camouflage, allowing them to not only find their way around the LSC, but to do so undetected.” Kebate said.
“Our plan is to tag all First Year Students with classes in the LSC, so we can track the behaviour and movement of those that will inevitably disappear. Upper Year Students will be able to follow their movement as well, receiving a ping on the Student Tracker App when the feral first year students are on the move. They may guide us to the missing students. If this works, it could be a major breakthrough for the scientific community.”
By Sam Creighton