The Closest Convenience Store To Your House
Breathe in that nostalgia — and potentially asbestos. Featuring amazing customer service from a cashier who may have not left the store since the last time you were there, this is the quintessential destination for those looking to pick up an expired bag of chips and a DVD copy of Superbad that has been on sale since 2008.
The Only Bar Open Past 9
Just because you’re visiting home doesn’t mean you can’t party! Located in the part of town you were scared to go to as a child, this is the go-to place for anyone looking to get into a bar fight. With live music performed by your grade 9 math teacher, Foo Fighters has never sounded so phoned in!
The Bridge
The two unsolved disappearances that took place here hasn’t stopped it from being the premiere location to smoke weed in shame. This classic hangout spot boasts incredible acoustics, a misspelt slur spray-painted on the side, and fantastic entertainment in the form of a discarded shopping cart.
The Pizza Place That Delivers On Sundays
Looking to immerse yourself in the local cuisine (and refuse to go anywhere else out of blind loyalty)? Then this location is a no-brainer. Consider the possibility that this restaurant is likely a front for organised crime, while enjoying a succulent and delicious slab of pizza that will render you immobile for up to 12 hours.
Your Friend Who Is Now On Parole
Reading week is a great time to reconnect with your friends you promised to keep in touch with after highschool! Feel the adrenaline rush of hiding the terror of learning your friend is now a parent of twins. Then, look back at all the warm memories you created together, and catch up on the damning piece of evidence that got them out of jail this time.
By Derek Bartlett