Businessman feeling down about economic crisis caused by coronavirus vector

HALIFAX, NS – Amid frightening news stories about a potential recession, tumultuous world events and inflation, Harry Lewis, a third-year computer science major was shocked this past month to see his popularity grow dramatically on dating apps. “My whole time on these apps, whether they be Tinder, Hinger — whatever — I could pretty much only count on one or two matches a week. But this winter, it’s been crazy, I get a few every time I check my phone.” 

Lewis is not alone. Along with the price of gas and groceries, the average number of matches for computer science students on dating apps has been on a steady increase in recent months. Nigel Wiggins, a second-year computer science major, told The Mackerel that he even went on a few dates in January. “It’s honestly been nice,” he said, “the coolest girl was probably this one costume studies major — definitely a one and not a zero. She said she’s looking for careers in her field but it’s been difficult, she was really interested in the number of summer positions I’ve been offered so far.” 

There is a definite trend in the type attracted by these suddenly lucky computer science students, said fourth year Christian Jung. “I’ve gotten a lot of attention from humanities students, a lot of artsy girls. They’ve all been super nice, and seem really interested in computer science; how much a compsci graduate can expect to make immediately out of school, how much a coder can make with ten years experience, that sort of thing.” 

Despite many local businesses experiencing the adverse effects of the economic crisis, the Quinpool Pizza Hut is experiencing record sales. Economists have theorized Pizza Hut’s success is directly linked to the increase in computer science students going on dates. 

By Grace Brown