HALIFAX, NS — An old parking lot beside Wickwire Field on South Street has been left as a fenced off gravel pit after Dalhousie was unable to secure contractors for the planned construction of a new arena. With the backing of administration, the Faculty of Earth and Environmental Sciences has jumped on the opportunity to offer a geology field course directly on Dalhousie campus, mere steps from the confines of the LSC. “The site offers incredibly rich and diverse evidence of the effects humankind has on earth’s geology,” elaborated Dr. Gabbro Feldspar. “Students have been finding cigarette butts, red solo cups, discarded picket signs, and once even a lost first-year wandering in circles,” he continued.
Inside sources claim the course is a cover up for Dalhousie to use unknowing students as labourers to develop the site. Suspicions of this arose after the syllabus detailed the potential for a ‘5% bonus in the course for each cubic meter of gravel excavated’, with the exam consisting of manual labour and involving heavy machinery.
“Errrgh, mrrghh — plrrrr,” explained third-year geology student Seamus Ratherfort through a mouthful of gravel. “I’ve heard the conspiracies that we’re being used as free labour, and quite honestly, I don’t mind — I just love being immersed in the gravel,” he repeated after emptying his mouth.
While no textbook is required for the course, the Dalhousie Bookstore now carries high-vis vests and steel toe boots.
By Sam Cutcliffe