HALIFAX, N.S. — Dalhousie University has recently announced a state-of-the-art AI data centre to be built on the school’s Studley Quad. Construction is estimated to take three years and cost over $40 million to complete.
According to an email sent to Dal students, the project will be funded by a tuition increase and a decrease in teaching assistant wages. The project aims to kickstart TigerAI, a groundbreaking new tool with specialized models for different degrees, and is definitely not supposed to be used by students to cheat.
In a statement from the university to the Mackerel, Dal admin said the idea for the project came from an “inside push” for Dal to compete with the likes of OpenAI and Anthropic, and for the school’s vice-chancellor to fulfill her Silicon Valley tech-bro fantasies.
Tyler Beta, TigerAI’s lead programmer, says the model is in its early stages of planning. He says once developed, the commerce model will be able to complete colouring books. Meanwhile, the medical sciences model will have more useful skills, such as detecting syphilis in commerce students.
Given the lack of co-op jobs for undergraduate computer science students, Dal admin said the data centre will also provide opportunities for those willing to sell their souls to Big Tech. Some of the open listings include:
- Server technician intern
- Junior water bucket pourer
- Anti-protester co-op
Dal admin advises first-year students to move their quad parties to alternate locations during construction, such as the Howe Hall parking lot and the Goldberg Computer Science Building’s atrium.
Alexi Rose, a third-year political science student, says she is relieved because it means she can finally walk through campus late at night without getting catcalled by drunk first-years partying on the quad.
“I used to drink Black Flys on the quad too,” she says. “But after becoming an upper-year, I can say we’re all happy that first-years are forced to Black Fly blackout elsewhere.”
In accordance with construction, Dal admin is calling on all students living in residence to cut down on their water usage.
“Just get used to not having clean water,” says Rob the Builder, the project’s head engineer. Builder says the data centre will require millions of litres of water per day to function, so water conservation in residences is crucial to the project’s success.
Dalhousie is set to switch campus’ water supply to two per cent milk in response.
The Mackerel would like to pledge our full support to TigerAI, as it will make our job much easier. #tigeraipartner #sponsorship #ad